a new scent

I'm developing a new cologne that smells like a bowling alley. A musky scent of floor polish. sweat, cheap polyester, & old shoe. I'm calling it:  The 5-10 SPLIT

late night directions

Me: (To Google Maps) Won't-you-take-me-to- Funky TOWN!?!
Google Voice: Recalculating for home. You are drunk again.
Me: (loud, off key slur sing) Get down, boogie oogie oogie
Google Voice: (softly) ...asshole.

Remember when you were 5 and invented some unintelligible 1 person show you insisted your parents sit thru and watch? That's Facebook.

I figured my pedometer was broken as it was the only one in the office that didn't provide reminder beeps. Turns out the only thing faulty is my hearing.

Someday I hope to be randomly introduced to an optometrist at a party just so I can shake their hand and say,"Boy are you a site for sore eyes."

I wonder how many foreigners have wandered into Subway restaurants looking to take the train uptown?

mall

A teenager just stepped aside for me to get on an escalator saying"After you Pops." He was polite and respectful so I said "Thanks".. just before I smacked him w my cane and bag of Polygrip