bubbles

I took a swig of Diet Coke which went down the wrong way, caused me to cough which led to a carbonated nasal exit. Now I'm sniffling bubbles and feel like my nose has been power washed. ‪#‎blackcloud

key

I found a key on my key ring I do not recognize. Either 1) it belongs to something from years ago I do not remember, or 2) my future self travelled back in time to give me a vital clue, or 3) someone has planted false evidence on me to frame me.

sniff test

Pork fried rice looks/smells kind of funky before it ever goes into the fridge as a leftover, so how will I know when it goes bad?

Dad

Last night my nieces pulled out a video interview they did with my Mom & Dad 4 years ago for fun I had never seen before. Dad's been gone now well over a year and it was amazing, touching, and a little sad to see and hear him again. The best part is that I learned a few things about him in his stories I never knew before. Even after death Bud Bornholdt still had a few surprises for me. RIP Pop.

road dot

They are repaving Sappington Rd and put temporary paint dots on the black top to mark the lanes. These dot lanes get bigger, smaller, intersect, and cross each other. I'm thinking of setting up a lawn chair and a camcorder at the worst spot. Accident videos for sale (background Benny Hill Soundtrack extra.)

tired

I did not sleep well last night. Therefore, the rest of the day will be played out in slow motion. Thank you.

50 minutes back into the work week and I'm ready for another vacation.

advice

Thanks again everyone for making yesterday such a fantastic B-Day. If I had to pass vital wisdom onto the younger generation, I'd say you should ALWAYS remember to-...ooh look! Leftover cake! Sweeeet.

45

When I was a kid, 45 seemed REALLY old, but now that I've reached it, I realize that I was absolutely correct.

key memory

Got a new keyboard at the office and suddenly my fingers don't go the right keys. My typing skills are back to Helen Keller learning WATER.

I'll have what she's having

Today is the 25th anniversary of the release of When Harry Met Sally. The movie that every guy in America in trouble if they answered incorrectly when their girl asked him if she was high or low maintenance.

treat

My hands were full so I was carrying a milkbone snack for my dog in my teeth when I stubbed my toe and bit down. Not too bad really. Tastes like the cheap cookies I bought in my college days.

My kingdom for a snowstorm.

dead broke

I don't mind the idea of dying penniless, (in fact, there's a smug satisfaction to that.) it's the living penniless before the death that would suck.

germ x

The pump on my Germ-X Sanitizer bottle has dried goo in the nozzle so when I push on the stuff squirts everywhere but in my palm. So far my calendar, PC screen, eyeglasses, stapler, and full mug of tea are victims of friendly fire.

elvis

If Elvis was alive today he'd be in a rehab facility for a cronut addiction.

cinderella

On what shelf in the Disney Vault is the footage of the alternate ending of Cinderella where her first royal order after the wedding is the public beheading of her 3 stepsisters?

black cloud

My car key keeps getting stuck in the ignition, my laptop is still dead in the water, I'm absorbing the workload of a former coworker, I slipped on some water in the garage, bit my tongue, and had a drawer knob come off in my hand. So how goes your day?

rot

Pulling a full trash can to the curb in the heat of a July afternoon I would imagine contains the same amount of smell and insect challenge that a mafia soldier endures when he has to dig up a body and rebury it somewhere else.

July 4 2004

Exactly 10 years ago today I was in Melbourne, Australia and disappointed there were no fireworks displays to go to. It's like, this country (that is still under the rule of the Queen of England) had no enthusiasm at all to celebrate America's independence from the English or something. How rude.

BOOM!

To all the backwoods firework enthusiast white trash dudes out there who are going to celebrate the 4rth via blown off fingers and singed eyebrows tomorrow right after the traditional rally cry of, "Hey y'all watch THIS!" ..I salute you. (And remember to bring an IPod to the ER because you can't flip thru a magazine w/ no thumb & index finger)

unicorns

Some people believe unicorns exist. I believe people who own white horses and have access to glue, tape, and sugar ice cream cones exist.

It's a shame I never had the courage to pursue my lifelong dream of professional Kazoo playing.

I'd only consider getting an Apple iPhone w/ Siri if I could change her voice to Roger Rabbit.

lair

When a super villain builds a secret mountain lair/missile silo how much extra does the contractor charge him for the female voiced automated countdown on the self destruct feature?

You can learn a lot about a paranoid person just buy stalking them for a few weeks