Are multi-level parking garages like being plugged into the matrix for cars?

spaghetti

It appears my culinary expertise does not extend to getting spaghetti from the box to the pot without dropping a minimum of 5-10 noodles that will be randomly discovered on my kitchen floor over the next week.

close one

There is something cool about an isolated summer thunder/lightening storm rolling in that always makes me feel like I'm in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Dammit.. this MEANS something!!!

ac

So if what our parents warned us about is true, we can all stand with the front door open and air-condition the whole neighborhood. I say it's worth a try dammit.

meds

When I was a kid I'd get a free toy when I was good at the doctor. Later, my dentist started giving me a goody bag w/ toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. Now I walk out of my doctor's office with a bag full of free prescription sample boxes. All things being equal, I'd prefer the toy.

flowers

Last night I was picking up some groceries for my Mom and for no reason, I had a spur of the moment instinct to pick her up some flowers. Turns out yesterday was the 66th anniversary of she and my late father's first date (The SS Admiral, 1948). They celebrated that date as much as their wedding for decades. I think Dad was somehow pointing me to that floral section.

symphony

I would support the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra a lot more if they would dedicate 2 or more performances a season to nothing but classic TV theme songs.

heat

I'm retreating to a deep, cool, underground cave to hibernate until the St. Louis stops doing its impression of the surface of the sun. Somebody wake me in the fall.

What's Out: Ice Bucket Challenge / What's In: Fire Hose Challenge (Will YOU take a 290 psi spray for charity?)

how was your morning?

Had to fast for a morning blood draw so caffeine. Then surprised by a urine sample request (which came too late) so I was given a to go cup. Went to grab breakfast at McD's but it was not only closed.. the building was leveled. Went to Hardee's instead which my stomach is telling me was a serious mistake. Still have another Dr. appt, a cup to fill & deliver, a full work day, and a 100 degree lawn mow ahead today. My #blackcloud has the upper hand for this round.

too darn hot

Ahhh.. there's nothing quite like the heat & humidity of a St. Louis August! Oh wait. Yes there is. You could dress in winter flannel, then sit under an Arby's heat lamp, and have someone repeatedly drop a moldy sleeping bag drenched with hot dirty dishwater on top of you. That might come close

simpsons

For those about to sit through the entire FXX 12 day marathon of 26 years of ‪#‎TheSimpsons‬ episodes, remember to take before & after pics of yourself. You'll start out as Ned Flanders and wind up Homer Simpson

Ever been on a flight where the pilot's name was Otto?

icebucket

My coworker challenged me to this charity thing so I threw a metal ice bucket at her head. The arresting officer tells me I got the concept wrong.

med

I'm not saying the needles are big on this new ‪#‎diabetes‬ injection I have to take every week, but when I poked it into my stomach I'm pretty sure it came out my back.

The best part about being slow to wake up is that my brain has no idea that it's Monday morning yet.

crunch

If the love between Pinkie Tuscadero and Arthur Fonzarelli could survive the dreaded Malachi Crunch but couldn't survive the rest of the season, then what hope is there for the rest of us I ask?

restroom

Why is it that the motion activated faucets in public restrooms only give tiny 3 second water bursts when the soap dispensers plop out softball sized portions of foam?

dog

As I looked in my side-view mirror I saw my dog sticking her head out into the wind. I wondered if she heard Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" in her head as she looked around or just simply thought, "Humans are such assholes."

"Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."" — Robin Williams

Do sharks have Human Week?

I'm trying to delay starting the race of activity I have ahead of me today so I hid the starter gun.

As a diabetic I find it fascinating that there's a chance my autopsy could list my cause of death as Fruit Loops.

leak

As I measure the water spot in my ceiling I debate whether to invest in a new roof or to tear out the chimney flume and install a 2 story indoor waterfall.

I'll bet almonds act all high & mighty and snub the other nuts when they are all in that mixed container together.

my vote

I will vote for whichever candidate promises to do a full time Wolf man Jack impression during every speech while in office. ‪#‎mypolitics

slip n slide

Is it wrong that I'm planning to set up a slip n slide for the neighborhood kids with the end of it pointing down a sewer drain?

insurance

Today I have to call my medical insurance provider and inquire about coverage on several new potential prescriptions. I'm pretty sure that disarming a bomb on a galloping horse in a blinding hailstorm at midnight would be an easier task.

out of office email

New Game: During July & August whoever gets the most automated 'out of office on vacation for the week' email responses wins a free trip to Disneyworld*. (*travel, lodging, food, and park entrance fees not included)

sorry about that

On my way to work this morning I unpeeled my banana too far, hit a bump, and watched 80% of it break off and fall out the window. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the bicyclist riding behind me.

addiction

Damn you Jack in the Box Sourdough Jack burger,, why can't I quit you?

seatcover

So we're standing in front of a large display of toilet seats at Lowes last night trying to make a selection, and I'm wondering why there aren't more wild designs (like on phone covers). Where was the Marvel Avenger's seat?the Hello Kitty cover? the Orange is the New Black Prison Pot? or Game of Thrones Throne?