Wednesday, February 28, 2018

lift

The elevator repair guys currently in my office gave me a blank stare when I asked how much extra it would cost to turn it into a Wonkavator. (I'm still hoping for a surprise next time I step in there.)



Monday, February 26, 2018

Friday, February 23, 2018

guns/teachers/lunch


I'm eating lunch at BreadCo and the guys at the table to my right were saying how they should not only arm the teachers but every student as well. The lady at the table on my left said that teachers are trained to teach and are not prepared to make life/death decisions or deal with the consequences if things go bad. #IllHaveWhatShesHaving

When changing the water cooler jug don't put the empty one at your feet to trip on when you pick up the full one.#OneManJitterBug

Monday, February 19, 2018

rain

I got gas at lunch in the pouring rain. To stay dry I pulled under the center overhang w/out realizing I was right next to an overflowing gutter spout. So I quietly cursed my life as I stood & pumped gas in 3" of rushing water. #BlackCloud #WetShoes

disco sucks

I've toured Funkytown, hosed down the Disco Inferno, and taken Advil after The Hustle but could not find any lyrics w/ meaning deeper than a coffee saucer. I see now all the regulars from Studio 54 ended up in rehab for coke & pills.They had gold chains, silk, and bedazzling but no SOUL. 

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Sunday, February 11, 2018

where I grew up

1 year ago today I took Mom out of her house to the ER after a fall. She never returned. My brother Jim now owns it, which is only fitting considering my parents stopped on their way home from the hospital w/ him to check on its construction progress.



Tuesday, February 6, 2018

raisin

The first raisin was just a really old grape that some guy ate on a dare by his roomate. Fun Fact: same guy died eating the dead roach next to said raisin. #TheMoreYouKnow

Monday, February 5, 2018

Friday, February 2, 2018

groundhog day

After eating his 2nd Big Mac, Punxsutawney Phil tweeted from his bed at 4am: 'Christmas is terrible and so overated. Sad. Groundhog day is the highest rated holiday ever. I am God. Only I can control the weather. WeatherChannel is fake news.'