Sunday, June 28, 2015

squirrel dodge

Most times squirrels are just scrambling to get out of the road but this morning I swear that little bastard was staring me down in a game of chicken. (My apologies to the people who's mailbox got destroyed as a result)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

wet

At lunch I was at a stoplight mid w/ a downpour on top,a landscape sprinkler spraying on my left, a rush of draining water beneath, and a huge splash from a truck on the right. I stayed dry but I think my car got an enema.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Where were you in 62?

They should remake American Graffiti using the same script with the original (now senior) actors driving around in smart cars on their way to doctor appointments, early bird dinner specials, and Walgreens during the course of Thursday afternoon.

My joints creak so much when I sit down lately people think I'm stepping on bubble wrap.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Isle-thing

Here's my pitch: through creative editing we make the island from LOST, Gilligan's island, and the island from Castaway all within a nautical mile of each other, add some canoes and mix one hell of a crossover special.

Monday, June 15, 2015

it's raining again

Every time it rains I have to sweep an inch and half of water out of my garage. After looking at the precipitation forecast for the coming week I think I'm just going to stock it with koi and call it a pond.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

TG4AC

Dear Willis Carrier (Inventor of Air Conditioning),
Even though I am a lifelong Catholic, I am giving serious thought to building a shrine to worship you and your wonderful invention.
On behalf of heat-hating people everywhere.. we thank you.
Sincerely Yours, - Dave B

OK "Summer People", you know how everyone who comes inside after driving on a hot day smells like a microwaved armpit? Yeah, that never happens in January.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

I don't know where my dental hygienist learned her trade but I'm betting it was through the CIA's interrogation division.

black cloud

My back is already hurting me today and on the way into work I tripped on a rug which turned my ankle. But the good news is I've got a dentist appointment later this morning so I'll be able to divert the pain.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

When in doubt.. Reboot. (Note: This is NO longer allowed to be applied to movie franchises)

sleepy slip

Stepped in some puddled rainwater in my garage and slid from my rear bumper to my door. Luckily my still sleeping brain barely acknowledged this express trip until my throbbing knee reminded it about 20 min later.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Dear Google Maps

Time to step up your game and draw me a diagram of every parking lot I enter, show me the empty spots, the fastest way there, and put a jam on anyone else's scanner competing against me in the lot. Thanks, Dave B