Either I just saw a jogger in black sweats & hat w/ white gloves or a mime running for his life.

use the force

Had to employ Jedi babysitting skills last night. The ONLY thing that would quiet this little guy's crying was the constant waiving of a blue light saber toy. #TheForceIsStrongInHim

tubs

Thank you Lowe's plastic tubs.. for being suctioned together so tightly that when I finally pulled one up I fell backwards knocking over the 2 stacks behind me, which knocked over the 2 stacks & lids behind them. I pretty much took out the floor display. #SeemsImNoLongerWelcomeThere

Like a ninja blowdart full of MSG, Chinese food for lunch has warmed my belly but tranquilized my brain.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots? #OldChristmasJokes

Happy WinterSolstice:shortest day of the year.I'm told I look much better in the dark so I guess that makes me a night person

Now if I'm having a shitty holiday and need a little Christmas (along w a little TP) all I have to is reach out and pull.

bug

Due to a flu bug rampaging thru our office, the Christmas Party & Company Meeting have been postponed to keep us apart. But any horror movie will tell you that's what the monster wants.. to separate us & pick us off one at a time. #KillKillKillKill

We divided up Mom's Christmas ornaments tonight. It was all laid out on 2 tables like a cross between a garage sale & an archeological dig display

Rather than get up & cross the room to turn it off I actually tried to negotiate with my alarm clock from under the covers.

Feeling puny today because: A)I'm getting the bug B)my overall poor health & rotten dispostion C)N.Korean hackers

Feeling puny today because: A)I'm getting the bug B)my overall poor health & rotten dispostion C)N.Korean hackers

don't care

I get uneasy when strangers in line in front of me feel the need to turn around and start telling me how nice they are and how everyone wants to be their friend. #SerialKillersHaveFriendsTooLady

On busy days at the gas pump I sometimes bang on my trunk & say "Keep quiet in there or else!" before speeding away.

good car

Like a bone for a dog I treated my car to a full service wash after carrying us safely back & forth from New Orleans. Clearly, I need to get another pet before I start thanking my faucet for water. #DatsAGoooodSink

Just spent 5 min trying to look up a move for The Colon Center but found it filed under Rectal Care. #GotToTheBottomOfThatOne.

I'm a better door than a window

No matter where I stand or sit I'm always in someone's way. I'd be an awesome bodyguard. Bullets would not only find me first but there is more of me to go thru. #WhatABargain!