Saturday BBQ? Meet my Black Cloud. Black Cloud? Meet my Saturday BBQ.

You call it too much time in the office men's room. I call it quality time in my fort.

Passed QT for breakfast because it looked busy. My sleepy desire to not deal w/ people overtook my hunger pang.

Do the tame people who swear to Gosh worry about going to Heck when they die?

I figured the best way to display a medal for excellence given to me by the owner of a national furniture restoration firm was on a chair

the most exciting part of my afternoon is waiting for a thunderstorm to pass thru.The missing pin for that handgrenade under my chair feels like old news now

If I could get all the voices in my head to harmonize and learn an instrument, I could be a band.

At age 46 I'm proud to report that I've acheived the grumpy level of an 82 year old. I've finally excelled at something.

My dreams at night would be so much better if I could add opening credits, a theme song, transitional music, and previews for upcoming dreams at the end.

Dear 2 month expired butter: Why do you betray me with bagel?

On this day in 1986, after much fanfare, Geraldo Rivera opens Al Capone's vault on live TV to find nothing. All hype/no pay off.. just like the 1980s.

Dear God, Please let whomever stole the windmill from my yard get splinters from it causing a bloodstream infection that results in a slow,agonizing death. Amen

when bad guys run out of bullets and just throw the gun at their opponent?Just once I'd like to see that move pay off.

work after a sleepless night is like scuba diving: u may be there but it feels surreal, pressurized, & slower. That and I'm weaing a snorkel mask at my desk.

Started Monday w/ shakes & low blood sugar. Recovered but wondering what else I can do to avoid starting work.

sunshine

sunshine, on my shoulders, makes me sunburn.
sunshine, in my eyes, destroys my sight.
sunshine, on the water, means I'm sinking.
sunshine, works much better for me at night.

I've been looking for my Will so I can update it. Finally found it in the file marked Way.

I wonder if I can get one of those 'Will work for Food' guys to mow my lawn for $5 worth of McDonald's value menu items?

I'd like to see a clown car demolition derby just to hear the little horn squeaks and see the puffs of confetti at every impact.

Feeling like a late 70s/Fat Elvis/Tearing The Seat Of My Jumpsuit Pants On Stage in Vegas Trying to Do Karate kind of rock star today.

I watched a woman who looked like The Church Lady cut off a car, tailgate another,& honk at them. She had a Jesus fish emblem on her trunk.

A royal inquiry into the incident indicated that one of the king's horses did fire the fatal shot at Mr. Dumpty which knocked him off the wall.

I discovered a globe of toothpaste on my ear. Not sure how I managed this but atleast my hearing is free from tartar & plaque.

pondering what kind of office mischief can be acheived using my stapler, a sharpee marker, and the dental floss in my drawer..

Today is Cardinal's Spirit Day at work. Wearing a too small freebie jersey I got last season.Starting off my week playing Fat Guy in a Little Coat.

friday

You'd think a full weeks worth of professional momentum would propel me like an apollo rocket thru the last half of friday but instead I sputter, stall, and pathetically drop from the sky like a north korean missile.

Starting to feel like my front yard weeds are 1950s Godzilla and I am the Japanese firing ammunition that bounces right off him.

The weed killer I put on my lawn is only making it grow faster. Next option is a flame thrower.

Today I have the productivity level of a narcoleptic in a pillow factory.

The early bird develops tapeworms. Here endeth the lesson.

Nurse!! Its time for my afternoon meds & pudding cup! Hurry up .. reality is starting to come into focus again.

Is there a controlled substance inside Fiber One Lemon Bars that triggers the self check out to demand I "please wait for attendent" so they can judge me worthy?

I'm onto you Spring. You've got everyone thinking you're SO wonderful but I know what you REALLY are.. a weed pusher.

I want to hear the upbeat morning drive radio personalities act like they really feel on Monday morning: mumbles, grumbles, gripes, & coffee stirring

Hanging out with a person with dementia is like being in an old episode of Seinfeld: Often entertaining but always a repeat.

Some paper blew into the path of my garage door light sensor causing it to bounce back open when I tried to close it. My own friggin' house april fooled me.