solution

Here's my plan: redirect a message from "space" to North Korea, Moscow, & DC saying that the secret to all power over the universe is buried just beneath the surface of the sun, but only the most important man in the world is invited to get it. W/in a week 3 one man spaceships will launch for a one way trip to incineration. Problems solved.

Stress is exhausting. It should really be counted as exercise.

movie mesh dream

Last night I fell asleep flipping betweenThe Poseidon Adventure & Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory then dreamed I was trying to escape from a flipped cruise ship with a handful of oompa loompa surviors who kept getting killed off because they stopped to sing about our various predicaments.

In a lot of ways Frankenstein's monster was the first real victim of identity theft. #RecycledEverythingButTheBrain #FireBadCreditGood

According to ancestry.com, the Cookie Monster is the result of one very drunken night between a mildly retarded grizzly bear and pastry chef Smurf.

St. Louis had better get some snow soon or else Trump is going to send in the feds.

Punch it Gertrude

At lunch every other driver was atleast 75+ and driving like they had nothing to lose. The night may belong to the viet cong but the afternoon belongs to the elderly. #AARPSuicideSquad

bootstomp rush hour

Hit my left funny bone while shaking off the cramp in my right foot while driving to work this morning. I looked like I was performing in a hillbilly jug band. #HeeHawBlackCloud

Want to forget what I was forgetting

I had another nightmare where I had dementia and when I finally woke up I was pissed at the irony that I couldn't remember anything during the dream but could still remember the whole ordeal afterwards.

A mexican dinner on Sunday makes a better early morning alarm on Monday than any clock radio I've ever had. #StartTheWeekOffRightWithAcidReflux

Republicans: I hope you enjoy the day. Democrats: I hope you enjoy whichever Netflix show you decide to bingewatch this afternoon

stuck between a rack and a hard place

Body shop said my Mazda should be ready on time. I said as long as you're in there, maybe you could add a few things...

I'd enjoy using the backup camera on this rental car more if it played the theme from JAWS as I reversed.

incompatible

New phone too big. Old sweat pants pocket too small. Screwed by technology again. This is just like that night I spent trying to get that 8 track tape to play in that CD player. #AmazingWhatYouCanDoWithASodderingIronDuctTapeAndABottleOfAlcohol

belly aching

As I chew my tums for acid indegestion I miss the days of gradeschool when I could have gone to the nurses office and lay down if my stomach hurt. Then I remembered I'll never have to take an algebra test again so it all washes out.

rental

The first minute of driving a rental car is like being the passenger that got shoved into the cockpit after the pilots both passed out. #WhatTheHellAreTheseButtonsFor?

remembering a geat man

Today my late brother Mark would have turned 58 years old. For a man who was always concerned that he was getting too old, he'll forever be frozen in history at age 32. Happy Birthday and Rest in Peace big bro.

Wondering if fleas ever have dreams that their skin is infested with tiny dogs?

Despite ice on trees, I keep getting texts from my blackcloud that driveway is fine. Go out and check the mailbox. #ItsATrap!

system down

Waited until it was safe to come into the office and catch up a little from missing Friday. Made it in without a problem.. only to find server and all printers are down. THAT is a problem. #WellPlayedBlackCloud

Does it mean I'm schizophrenic if the box of Krispy Kremes keep calling to me from the break room? #DamnYourDeliciousSweetPastrySirenSong

blowin in the wind

Yesterday's wind blew down a piece of siding near the top of my house. Debating if I need a ladder and a nail gun or just tearing it all off and going for the rustic cabin look.

Too many things to do on my desk right now. My workflow is like the final stages of a game of Jenga. #Swaaaaying

I'm in good hands

Me: When you write the repair can you request a recycled red rubber baby buggy bumper?
Allstate Damage Appraiser:
Me: Ask for them by name

fast moves from fast food

Dear Jack in the Box: If I had a fitbit it would be so proud of me for all the running I've done today back & forth from the bathroom. And I owe it all to you. Oops.. gotta run. Thanks Again - Dave #BlackCloudStepsMotivation

I swear. I could have a plutonium powered DeLorean, a flux capacitor, & Doc Brown and STILL not manage to make the weekend get here any faster.

Was diarrhea a kryptonite side effect for superman?

How is it I go to a 90% empty Walmart and the only places people are standing are in front of the items I need? #BlackCloudWobblyCartWheel

start your engines

Got out of my car after lunch and the jacked up, monster, 4x4 dielsel truck behind me chirped, flashed its lights and roared to life w/ no one in it. Its happened:The machines have risen. MaximumOverdrive/Judgement Day. This is how it ends. #DamnYouAutoStart

I've done a lot of things that drive people crazy in my day but typing too loud on my keyboard is new on the list. #TappingMyWayUnderYourSkin

oops

Last night in Walgreens I needed assistance w/ photo prints and saw a girl w/ long hair crouched in an aisle stocking a shelf. I said,"Excuse me. Miss?" She looked up and she was a he w/ a mustache/beard who looked just like Frank Zappa. Frank was not happy. I'm pretty sure all my photos are going to just be his middle finger.

new year

Dear 2017, Here's the deal: Don't take as many legends in one annual scoop, don't bring back line dancing, guitar hero, or pokemon go. Don't plunge us into a depression or blow up the world and we should get along fine. Thanks, Dave B