alarm

Maybe it was the rain but the office alarm was tripped and I had to explain I wasn't a burglar to a police officer today. I'm just glad they didn't release the dogs into the building to flush me out like last time.

Mom

Even though Mom is on oxygen, mostly in a sleep like state, barely utters more than a word, and hardly opens her eyes, she still allows us to feed her. #TheInstictToSurviveIsStrongInHer #GodLoveHer

My knees hurt like 2 pogo sticks being used to prop up a cement truck. It must be raining outside.

Bacon Scented Dryer Sheets: For the man who loves the attention of dogs and wants to have that #JustWalkedOutOfWaffleHouse smell all day long.

come aboard

Sitting w Mom in a very fashionable lobby enjoying some after dinner music from a grand player piano. Might as well be in the bar on the Aloha deck of the Love Boat. #IssacWhereTheHellIsMyDrink?? #JulieHasCocaineOnHerNose #GopherStoleMyLuggage #DocHasNoMedicalLiscenseOnDryLand #StuebbingJustSteerTheDamnShip

Money, success, and opportunity slip effortlessly thru my hands but splinters dig into my fingers for long term residency with ease.

fashion dont

Seems comfort in old jeans means more fading, more holes, and for some reason more plumber's crack. Great look for college girls but not so much for middle aged fat guys. #MyBad #TheWhiteTrashFashionLineAvailableAtGoodWill

Rolled Mom into the courtyard after lunch to enjoy the sunshine & blue sky for awhile. At this point its easier to take time to appreciate it.

Feeling grumpy on a Friday is kind of like having food poisoning on Christmas Eve. You know something good is coming but you don't really care.

Oh God

"I know how hard it is in these times to have faith. But maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that. It really gets in the way. I'm a God of very few words and Jerry's already given you mine. However hopeless, helpless, mixed up and scary it all gets, it can work. If you find it hard to believe in me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you." - God (as played by George Burns) / Oh God / 1978

If global warming is a myth then does that mean week after week of record high temperatures should be considered fake news?

If life was fair, the calories in a donut would decrease as it gets stale

leave no egg behind

Hidden Easter Egg Log: Its been 3 days now and I have not been found. Atlast I feel safe. Oooh, here comes a pretty raccoon! Neat! I wonder what he wants? #FinalEntry

projecting

During periods of prolonged stress in my life I THINK I'm projecting a controlled Pierce Brosnan persona when in reality I come across as an off his meds Gary Busey.

web cleaner

Last night I dreamed I was the city employee tasked with cleaning up Spider-Man's used webs. Doesn't your spideysense tell you how many pigeons get stuck in those things? #DirtyJob #SpideyIsAJackAss

thankful

At the beginning of Lent I never would have thought we'd still have Mom on Easter. I don't know how much time she has left but I'm deeply grateful for the time we've had.

Monday mornings always feel like an uphill climb but this week I think I'll need rock climbing gear.

key stroke

Covering the office switchboard for an hour this morning and the keyboard on this computer has some of the letters rubbed off. I spent 3 minutes trying to remember where D is. #MorningEfficiencyIsNotMyTrademark

fun fact

Meanwhile,on the other side of the hill,the rabbit Peter Cottontale was also being crucified that day after being found guilty of witchcraft for laying chocolate eggs. #SoNowYouKnow

I think Spicer should be replaced with a group of Oompa Loompas who just come out and sing about whats happening and then leave.

The next fish up the food chain may be bigger but I wonder if he realizes the smaller ones are piranhas. #ThisMightBeFunToWatch

your order will be ready soon

During the hour & fifteen min wait for my burger/fries at Steak n' Shake last night I gave serious thought to ordering a Jimmy John's sandwich delivery to my table to snack on while I waited.

these are the people in your neighborhood

I never knew how many celebrities I'd see just by feeding Mom lunch at Manor Grove. Why just today I saw: the Grinch, Flo the baliff from Night Court, an auctioneer, a conservative radio talk show host, Cruella de Vil, and a whole lot of senators & congressmen. #QuiteARoom

screwed by big pharm

First, I'd like to thank the makers of Lantus Solostar Insuline for massively jacking the price of your product.Second, I want to thank my insurance for dropping the primary medication used to fight my disease. And last but not least, I want to thank Type 2 Diabetes.. without whom none of this would have been possible. #AcceptingLetterForReducedCoverage

Screw it. It's pudding o'clock somewhere dammit.

Internal Struggle

Woke up with a sore shoulder from tension. When I took an Aleve I could hear a tiny bugle play "Charge!" as the blue pill rushed into battle against the evil red inflamation attacking my muscle. #TheBattleRages

Everybody was..

Hoping that the office security camera works on Sundays so it can capture for posterity my automatic reaction to the song Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas #OhHohHohHoah!!! #NoGraceAwkwardKicksZeroSkillStuffKnockedOverMusclesPulledPantsRipped #NeedSomeAdvil #StillWorthIt

to boldly go..

Temporary Captain's Log SD 04072012: In an attempt to gain favor with this crew I instituted "casual fridays". Unfortunately it seems they took the idea too literally and all of them decided to abandon ship for a "personal" day. I've quickly discovered I am not equipped to pilot this starship by myself and it appears I am somehow on a high speed direct collision course with some kind of a small moon/battle station. God I hope my insurance is paid up!!! #LikeAGoodNeighborStateFarmIsThere!!

Ah-Choo

I could have sworn that when I sneezed as I was getting ready for work, the DJ on my clock radio paused, said "Gesundheit", then continued talking. #INeedToStopMixingMedications

RIP

Today marks 4 years since we lost Dad. He was still so in love with Mom that on his death bed his last words (when asked by Mom what he needed) were simply,"Just you." I have no doubt that somewhere up above right now he is excited & impatiently waiting for Mom to join him when her time comes.

system jam

Warning: My personal bad news processor is currently at full capacity. To prevent a system break down, please do not add any more bad news until the current cycle is complete. Your cooperation is appreciated.

ring ring

Ever have one of those days at work when you feel like your phone is being an asshole just because it's ringing? #FlashingThatEvilVoiceMailLight #SoRude

close to you

Sitting w Mom & playing a Carpenters CD mix to help her relax and sleep. Trouble is I'm getting tired too. Not bad music but after awhile it hits you like an audio tranquilizer dart to the neck. #RainyDaysAndMondaysZzzzzzz

Kangaroos should not be kept as pets.. butlers, uber drivers, and GAP employees yes, but NOT pets.

OK/I can do that

I was considering buying an Amazon Echo but am sure that in my sleep I'll tell Alexa I want a truck load of llamas, 3 cases of toenail clippers, and to sign me up for the cactus of the month club. #TheUPSGuyIsGonnaHateMe

seek and find

In 2006 I padlocked one of my gates and for 11 years the key has popped up in various places in my garage. Now that I finally need it the only way to find it is to give up and cut off the lock. Immediately afterwards I guarantee it turns up.

It's a shame Easter Sunday didn't fall on April 1st because JC would have had the best April Fools Ta Da! in recorded history.

faded fast

I dreamed I acheived some kind of celebrity status and was the answer to a Jeopardy question no one got and was then pushed into guest hosting a talk show only to find no one had ANY idea who I was. #AwkwardSilences #BlackCloudSpedUpMy15MinOfFame #YoullNeverWorkInThisBusinessAgain!!