The 18 yr old radio in my Mazda is either dying or developed a new anti-theft feature that shoots random CDs at the driver

I enjoy listening to classical music at my desk but sometimes it feels like I'm in a dramatic close up in an Oliver Stone film.

News Alert: after MUCH personal debate I've decided to use my Arby's coupon today before it expires. In a related story, I clearly need to get a life.

I miss the days when a bowl of Trix, Sugar Corn Pops, or Lucky Charms were considered "part of this balanced breakfast"

Ahhh, there's nothing like a nice long nap after lunch (but I really need to start storing a pillow here under my desk)

Thinking back to the NBC Must See TV in the 80s I don't recall ever hearing anyone refer to Bill Cosby as "America's Dad".

Crap. It's only Tuesday

Remember when blue haired ladies meant loud talking seniors w/ dentures & walkers instead loud talking twenty-somethings w/ tattoos & cell phones?

old

I came across my old land line phone, answering machine, & digital camera in the back of my closet. Last time I saw them these were useful everyday items but suddenly they are outdated antiques. Then I looked in the mirror and had the same thought.

Fun Fact: Graham Crackers are made from the crushed up bones of deceased Grahamparents.

The first time in 3 weeks that traffic was light enough for me to get to the office early and, ofcourse, the boss is out of town.

Warning: St. Louis heat index could reach 105 today, which is the same temp that makes pumpkin spice flavoring burst into flames.

Since they already played fruit god w seedless watermellon I'm pissed they've yet to produce pitless peaches & plums please.

If someone in St. Louis will open a Low Carb Bakery I promise you my business alone will keep your doors open.

The Flintstones are Walmart people and the Jetsons are Target people.

sweet karma

I pulled to the right at a 3 way stop to give a tractor-trailer space to turn past but the entitled lady in the Benz behind me decided she was going cut past us. As she whipped around she actually screamed as she almost slammed head on into the truck. I smiled as she hastily reversed.

I'm exhausted because I didn't sleep well, was late for work due to traffic, & the temp is 90s & humid:Its a Monday Trifecta

shark!

Last night I watched a show about the making of Jaws, then flipped to the news and saw a man was killed by a shark in Cape Cod. I'm glad I didn't watch the making of War of the Worlds.

tired

9am & still sleepy. OK caffeine get off your butt & started working! You can be replaced ya know. I have a 5 hour energy shot on standby that is dying to get into the game.

All small claims court cases should be decided by a game of JENGA

Bathroom Cleaning Supplies:I can spend $ on premium brands or buy $Tree brands that smell like a chemical fire in an outhouse

remember

It feels like a triple paradox:17 yrs was just a moment ago, but footage makes it seem like a lifetime ago, while its just a historical note to anyone under 23. #RIP

Went to Shop n Save & 4 employees asked how I'm doing. They're just afraid I'm gonna build a fort out of cereal boxes again

Yesterday I ate like a hungry hungry hippo, jammed to music like a bobblehead, and worked out like GI Joe. This morning I woke up feeling like silly puddy.

I paid bills last night and if my checking account was measured in temperature, it would be frozen solid

shoe

I hooked my finger while trying to fix my sandal which came off while on the gas pedal on Hwy44 making my car appear driverless for a few panicked seconds. How is your morning?

hardware

Yesterday I smoked cigars w/ a Navy Seal who told me about sniper firing, grenade launchers, rock climbing, & firing rockets. I told him I'm giving serious thought to buying a new weed wacker.