Instead of rubber bullets,Gummy Bears should be fired for riot crowd control. "Disperse!"(Boom!) "Oww! Muther fuc..ooh! Cherry!"

Thank you Pandora for allowing me to enjoy classical music at my desk.. even if it does make me feel like I'm watching Bugs Bunny

I went to Lowe's during my lunch hour and looked at new toilets. Its the closest I've come to buying pot in 25 years

Overnight the temp climbed from 30 to 41 degrees. I hate that. It feels unnatural, like the water going from the sink basin back up into the faucet.

If old pens that no longer write were ammunition, then I could defend my home from invaders for weeks.

friday night

Friday night is almost here and w/ it a limitless supply of options & adventures lay before me! Thats why I can't decide if I want frozen pizza or take out fried chicken for dinner before laundry & TV

Kato Kaelin now spells his first name Keto so he can tell people the diet fad was his idea.

People who own window companies are SO transparent and usually a pane to deal with.

After dinner last night this morning my house smells like a combo of curry, oregano, pipe tobacco, & fireplace smoke:the manly version of potpourri.

Besides buying appliances, my only memories of SEARS is short-cutting thru it to to get to the other side of Crestwood Mall.

And now it begins.. the dreaded first full week back at work after the holidays. AKA: The Trail of Tears 2.0

good fella

Yesterday I watched a Sopranos marathon on HBO, had Italian for dinner,and fell asleep to a mob movie.Not only did I have nightmares, but Al Pacino appeared & introduced each one like it was a DVD collector's edition.🕴👹🎰🎯💵💣⚰️🐟 #BuyTheTicketTakeTheRide#LeaveTheGunTakeTheCannoli

death pool

So far my picks are in last place for my office 2018 Celebrity Death Pool (stupid healthy people) but all it will take is some bad fish at the early bird dinner special at the Friar's Club tonight for me to surge ahead for the win before New Years. #FingersCrossed

Dear Lemon Ricotta Pancakes: You complete me.

The days between Christmas & New Years drift by in neutral gear like holiday purgatory

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what ever happened to fictitious characters from long defunct TV sitcoms.

If I ever collapse, forget CPR, just give me a papercut & put hand sanitizer in it. I'll wake up for sure.

When a cold gets so bad so fast that you reach for the 3 year expired Dayquil in your desk drawer

Walmart Log 12/7:Shoppers were plentiful but polite. However,there is a growing unease as the herd can sense the coming stampede

Today we remember 2 things:The sacrifice of all those who perished 77 years ago & the 2001 Michael Bay movie that annoyed people