Time for an "I Dream of Jeannie" movie. (No.. not a porn. Then again, a porn would be fine, but that's not what I meant.)

toby shoe

Becoming grass cutting shoes must be a Kunta Kinte/Roots experience for old sneakers: Being separated from the other shoes in the closet without warning to be stained w/ grass, worked to death, and spending the rest of their miserable, sockless life, alone in a garage.

The MSG in the average Chinese lunch is more potent than a visit to a traditional Chinese opium den (and much stickier)

I use one finger to type my texts instead of the double thumb method. In social media terms this means I am functionally illiterate.

My Mom has been in the hospital w/ fever and pneumonia since Friday but it looks like they are letting her go home today. A very happy Mother's Day.

Dear Disney/Jim Henson Productions,

Please make a shot per shot remake of Apocalypse Now Redux cast completely by Muppets.

Thanks,

Dave B / St. Louis, MO

I would survive a zombie apocalypse because the herd would accept me as one of their own (provided they come across me before 9am.)