really?

So I saw my neurologist (well, not MY neurologist. The hospital leases him out) about my eye. What does the latest advancement neuromedical science advise me to do? Tape my eyelids open. 😵 #HeBlindedMeWithScience!!

tired of this

If this friggin' droopy eye vision problem doesn't go away before my first vacation in 4 years and I'm forced to cancel I WILL take my #BlackCloud to court and sue it for every bit of vapor that its worth until its so weak it can't dampen a kleenex. #TiredOfThisBullshit

I'm always the only one watching

I discovered a great original show on TBS but since it seems there is some rule that no one I know watches 99% of the shows I do, I won't even ask if anyone else does. #PeopleOfEarth

I'd like to thank Dunkin Donuts for making their product so expensive. The cheapskate me is generally stronger than the fat me.

Opening the refridgerator door to see what's in there is a very normal instinct so why do the people at the sperm bank keep getting so mad?

This morning at a stop sign a beautiful doe gracefully trotted out in front of my car, looked me in the eye, and then pooped.💩 #SameToYouBambi

born to be wild

Pondering the cheapest way to get a used riding lawn mower from Rockford, IL to Fenton, MO. Trailer is too expensive. Thought about driving it back myself but I promised Betsy my outlaw biker days were behind me.