I'll bet on halloween Jack Nicholson wears a plain t-shirt with the word ME written on it

Late last night I ate 10 White Castles because today for Halloween I'm going as a gas explosion.

From 1996-2000 I travelled a lot on business & stole 1 hotel towel every trip. For 20 yrs I've felt the rub of these crimes.

My kitchen light was on all night. I think a ghost did it. I'm OK w/ the haunting but F w/ my electric bill & its exorcism time.

When I first heard "Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Butterfinger" I thought it was an anti-masterbation slogan

I managed to get up, get dressed, and come into work but my brain is still hitting the snooze alarm. #JustTenMoreMinutes

Shorter days,leaves are changing,& a cold wind is blowing. Except for the acorn that smacked into my head I'm a happy guy. #Fall