lift

The elevator repair guys currently in my office gave me a blank stare when I asked how much extra it would cost to turn it into a Wonkavator. (I'm still hoping for a surprise next time I step in there.)

My taxes loom over my head like an overdue bookreport on a boring novel I haven't even started yet.

I would have made a crappy cowboy hero because nothing aggravates me more than driving off into the sunset.

Dear Vending Machine that doesn't take credit cards: My diabetes thanks you but my sweet tooth is flipping you off.

what I'd rather see

Every year TCM shows 30 days of Oscar nominated films so I propose that TLC (the brains that gave us Honey Boo Boo) should compete each year with 30 days Razzies:The Worst Films Ever Made.

Complaint: The sun is shining for the first time in weeks yet here I sit at the office.

Truth: It's nice to have a legitimate excuse for being too lazy to go out & exercise.

guns/teachers/lunch

I'm eating lunch at BreadCo and the guys at the table to my right were saying how they should not only arm the teachers but every student as well. The lady at the table on my left said that teachers are trained to teach and are not prepared to make life/death decisions or deal with the consequences if things go bad. #IllHaveWhatShesHaving