Having a parent with dementia is like being a road trip listening to your favorite FM station slowly fade out as you get further away.

The older I get the less pressure I am under to seek out a wild or crazy new years eve. #GrayHairMembershipAdvantages

Debbie Reynolds

Sometime in the 70s my parents saw #DebbieReynolds perform in a musical at the Muny Opera (which is an outdoor venue here in St. Louis) When the show was stopped for a rain delay, Debbie came out onstage with a mic and umbrella and said,"If you people are going to sit in the rain then I will too!" She took audience requests and sang acapella until the storm passed. The lady was a class act. #RIP

This morning I hiccuped while taking a bite of sandwich and choked for a few seconds on my PBJ before clearing my throat. #CloseButNoCigar2016

choices

After lunch internal debate: Do I take the red pill, caffeine up, and dive back into productive work? Or do I take blue pill, slip into "look busy" gear, and coast towards the finish line?

Last night I cleaned my microwave w/ vinegar & water. This morning my tea tastes like my childhood easter egg dye. #DontAskMeHowIKnowThat

My IT guy finally found a way to keep me from clicking on any more viruses.

Carrie Fisher

A long long time ago,(60 years in fact), in a galaxy far far away, Eddie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds had a baby girl who would grow up to be an actor, a screenwriter, an addict, a playwright, and an author. She was talented, honest, funny, and self-deprecating. The Force was strong in her.. always. RIP Carrie Fisher. #GoodnightPrincess

My Monday morning was scheduled to be a slow mule ride but somehow I jumped onto a pissed off bull.

ice

Dear God: The streets are slick but I've missed Mass a few weeks and need to recharge. So, here's my offer. Get me there and home safely and there's $50 (tax free) in the collection plate with your name on it. No questions asked. Sincerely, Your obedient servant, Dave B #LuckBeALadyTonight

gasicles

Either the Sam's gas pump was mostly frozen this morning or I stumbled into a Twilight Zone episode where time slowed and seconds ticked off like minutes. #WaitingForRodSerlingToStepOutFromBehindPump5

Now how much would you pay?

I have atleast 35 gifts to wrap tonight! That's why I'm glad I bought "The Miracle Dr Octavius Extra Arm Extentions" by Black n Decker. The install was a snap (if you don't mind a little spinal nerve damage) and the cost was affordable. Now, not only will my wrapping be done in a flash, but I can clean the gutter, sort the laundry, and finally reach that annoying itch on my back without leaving the comfort of my sofa! Buy some for YOUR family this Christmas! Available in various sizes and colors. Call now!! (Some restrictions apply:Seller not responsible for poked eyes, wall/floor/ceiling damage, criminal rampages, or electricution. Product is subject to rust, bend, and cause psychotic behavior. Banned in Nebreska, New Mexico, and Rhoad Island.)

Feeling under the weather and lethargic so I chugged a full can of spinach and waited. #PopeyeIsAFriggingLiar

Why does getting up an hour earlier for a work function make me feel like I've lost 3 extra hours of sleep? #ItWasMyUnderstandingThereWouldBeNoMath

bad day

I walk past it and the printer jams. I hit a key and my PC freezes. I pick up the phone and its an angry, condesending customer. I go into the mens room and the guy before me (who apparently just ate an entire diseased buffalo by himself) neglected to flush. #SevereBlackCloudDayKeepDistanceForYourOwnSafety

"Let me be your teddy bear. Put a chain around my neck and lead me anywhere." Seems young Elvis lynched his stuffed animals.

Thinking of opening a curtain & blind store called Throwing Shade

pop

The first guy to make popcorn shit his pants in surprise, then spent the rest of his days trying to make other foods do the same thing. He died from exploding pumpkin shrapnel. #JiffyPopPumpkinBomb

just give me another 5 min

Woke up around 8am and decided to sleep in another 20min. Opened my eyes again at 11:10am. There is a fine line between a nap & winter hybernation. #BlackCloudZZZs

noise noise noise

16 days before the 25th and The Christmas Spirit hasn't come within 5 miles of me.The Grinch has gone from a cautionary tale into someone who actually makes some really good points.

over sprayed

Hairspray: started as a John Waters cult film, made into a play, then into a broadway musical, then into a major motion picture musical, and then an NBC live event. Unless they plan on turning it into an interpretive dance ballet or a saturday morning cartoon, I think this has played out. #CanIsEmpty #OverExploited

rumble

Dreamed last night I was in a comedy/action movie fight scene being attacked by an inept overweight ninja but the only weapons on hand for our battle were rolls of wrapping paper. #DollarTreeFightSceneDreamSequence

one of those days

Due to some extreme tossing & turning I literally got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Accordingly, before opening my eyes, I bumped into a wall that was not supposed to be there. #SetThePrecedentForTheDay

"Oh wow! I can't wait to hear the Grammy nominations this morning!" - said no one middle aged or older ever #IKnowOneOutOfAllTheSongsListed

boom! Plop.

Pearl Harbor Day may be wednesday but today, December 5th, 2016, will live in infamy as my car was suddenly and deliberately attacked by a flock of overfed and well aimed birds from the empire of the parking lot trees. #MultiplePoopBombHits

Working up Monday morning momentum! OK!!! READY?!?!! Annnd..ahh screw it.

Uh oh

Yesterday I was in the grocery check out when nature called. The lettuce was on sale for $.89 but rang up at $1.49. After quick calculation I opted to pay an additional $.60 to get home 2 minutes faster rather than wait on a pricecheck. #WorthEveryPenny

meow

I'm in the mood for a little danger, so tonight I'm having dinner at a discount chinese buffet. #CulinaryRussianRoulette #TumsInOneHolsterPeptoInTheOther

Ooooonnnne!!!...

Jail is just a large scale version of a "time out" so police should have the option of giving a loud & stern 1-5 warning count to see if the perp in queston stops acting out.

into the fray

The idea of jumping into Christmas shopping makes me feel like I'm 9 yrs old, standing at the edge of the high dive board, looking down, w/ a line behind me, wondering just what the hell was I thinking?

thank u note

I'm not much of a Bible-thumper but with my black cloud I find I now spend as much time saying "Thanks" to God for what didn't happen as I do Praying that it doesn't.