lets eat

Last night I was visited by 3 ghosts and now I not only celebrate Fat Tuesday today but each and every day of the year. #DickensFatTuesdayCarol

ode to a toothpick

Thank you Toothpick: You hold my sandwich in place, you pick up my cheetos so my fingers don't turn orange, you pick the food from my teeth, and then I chew around on you making me look like a white trash hoodlum. Not since the spork has a disposable utensil served so many functions. #Salute #SwissArmyKnifeofTinyWoodSpears

bring on the meat

As soon as I feel confident in spoon feeding Mom her meals they throw me a curve ball and put BBQ ribs in front of us as if to say,"Go ahead.. try and make THAT work." (And walk away with a manical laugh) #ChallengeAcceptedBro #SoMuchCuttingForSoLittleMeat

It's #OscarWeekend but if you ask me, you're all already winners.

BlackCloudStephenKingChristine

While wrestling 2 sets of helium balloons 🎈into my trunk (1 for Mom & 1 Betsy) the wind hopelessly tangled them together. While trying to surgically separate them I managed to lock 🔐 my keys into the trunk. AAA popped it shortly before I hit 🎯 my head getting in and then promptly choked on a swig of water. 🌊 #SoHowWasYourEvening? #

Woke up from a bad dream 1 minute before my alarm was supposed to go off this morning. It didn't. So I had a staring contest with my clock radio. It won

death and taxes

Normally my taxes would be long filed by now but with recent distractions in my life they just don't feel as important right now. #ImSureTheIRSWillDisagree #GottaGetOnThat

small win

Thank you Jahred at Microsoft Tech support (in whatever part of the world you are in) for repairing and reconfiguring my Windows Media Player last night so I could finally burn my Mom her CD. #GratefulForAnySmallWinsAtThisPoint

smoke up johnny!!

I was just given a genuine Cuban cigar (Thank you again Sherrell III Byrd). Either my black cloud is trying to make it up to me for crossing the line so severely lately OR it's going to make me accidentally burn a hole in my pants or set my house on fire. #ItsATrap #ItsAPeaceOffering #Hmmmmmm

share this post if you...

My kindergarten teacher taught our class that sharing is good, but I'm trying to track her down to see how she feels about all these "share this if you..." posts on FB. #LookAtTheMonsterYouCreated #IThinkShesInHiding

line crossed

Normally I'm a good sport but corrupting all my music files when I'm trying to burn a CD mix to comfort my dying mother is going too far. #AboutToKickSomeBlackCloudAss

Presidents Day

For one semester in 1992 I was president of my fraternity and have since been vp of multiple theater boards. Therefore I'm assuming my coworkers will ofcourse celebrate me with a cake and various toasts at some point today.

My body has been so tense this week that even my eyelashes feel exhausted.

in between

Mom was moved from ICU to a regular room while we make arrangements for hospice so there is no medical plan for her. With no machines or monitoring its like she's in the hospital version of suspended animation.

bellyaching

Not sure if I'm feeling queasy & sick because I'm nervous about touring a nursing home or if I should be nervous about touring a nursing home because I'm feeling queasy & sick?

risin up..

There was a time I did 100 push ups and 200 crunches every day. Now I just push up to get out of my chair and listen to my joints crunch. #EyeOfTheTigerNeedsBiocals

pop

At a stop light this morning I started coughing so I spit the gum in my mouth out the window.. right in front of the police car next to me. Suddenly I felt like an ecoterrorist caught rolling a ten gallon drum of toxic waste into the woods. #HubbaBubbaBlackCloudFlavor

baked

My grandfather was a baker who lost a business & a house during the depression so he rented & worked for others until he died. Seems he preferred rolling with other people's dough.

From my screenporch my entire neighborhood smells like a basket of Hooters chicken wings. If you listen closely you can almost hear arteries clogging.

sniff sniff

My car is clean and junk free yet this weekend for some reason it smelled like a wet homeless person slept in it. #ThatMightExplainTheThankYouCardOnTheBackseat

chirp

If Cinderella hits her head and gets knocked out, will the cartoon birds circling her head end up fighting her everyday cartoon birds? #ABattleMostFowl #WestSideStoryCanaryVsBlueBirdTurfWar

niplegate

I'll never forget the most famous SuperBowl halftime show in history. It was 2004 & I was a guest at an upscale country club in Louisville, Kentucky. The game was on a massive room sized screen & my seat was right up front. Then during half-time I was ushered out for drinks & a buffet so I COMPLETELY missed Janet Jackson and the nipple that changed the world. Had no idea it happened until the next day. #BlackCloudBoobFail

"This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather." - Phil/Groundhog Day

rollin

So after getting Mom into my sister's minivan I took her wheelchair around the back to load it. I opened the hatch, turned, and watched as the wheelchair proceeded to roll down the driveway, then into & down the street.#FastestSprintInTwentyYears #FatManRunning

Since February is short 3 days we should get a 5% discount on mortgage & utility bills. Hey, its not our fault the month is defective.